Some reasons why you may not be thriving.
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Judgement
When you feel judged you are also judging yourself. This can be a positive experience where self-improvement or success are the goal, but mostly when we judge we are seeing what we don’t like.
The habits we form are often hidden. Some people are aware they think negatively and perceive it is who they are. The glass is half empty or even completely empty. It is a habit which could have started in childhood or inherited from the perception of others.
Gossiping about others and seeing what is wrong with them is built from within you. You may feel it is not part of you as you are looking at another, but you are looking therefore it must be within you. A gossip always finds a gossip, the energy must match. When two or more people join together and focus the energy is amplified. When you agree with another you bring it into your experience. With enough interactions that energy is formed within you, this is how others can change who you are, but you are allowing yourself to link with negativity. You may feel the need to be part of a social group and agree with others, only you know if this benefits you. When others influence you, you are not in conscious control.
With help from Supporting Change the hidden root cause of judgment can be found, but it is always in your sub-conscious. When you feel judged you are allowing another person’s perception of you to be your truth. You may argue, their judgement is wrong, but the emotional impact forms the feeling of being judged wrongly which has an impact within you. When in excess bulling occurs. Those that bully others often continue into adulthood only because they hold that energy within them. Those that have felt bullied often lack self-worth, self-confidence or lack in other areas of their life. When you are self-empowered and know what is right for you, how can you connect with those that seek to control you? Bullies cannot connect with self-empowered people. Any energy that has impacted on you, however small has the potential to build momentum. This momentum doesn’t have to be identical situations, judgement comes in many forms.
When you feel you are being judged or criticised, you are judging yourself. Your inner critic – does it listen to you or someone else? The actions or words from someone can only impact on you when you allow it. If you find a reaction inside us, letting that reaction go drops the connection. You no longer have the reaction inside so life changes and what you want in your life comes to you.
Some have learned to use judgment to their advantage. Perhaps someone has criticised them and their reaction is to look for self-improvement. The perception is always how you feel. Anyone in professional sport has thousands of people judging their performance. When they succeed they know it was their efforts, when they fail and connect with the judgment of their fans most professionals use it as determination to do better. Self-will and motivation bring the adrenalin of self-improvement. The fans of the football team can motivate their team to success or show the energy of disappointment. How do you feel when your team wins? How do you feel when your teams is defeated? Do you carry that energy home? How long does it stay within you? What we feel inside is reflected on what we experience outside. Judgment is what you put your attention on. Looking at how you feel provides the clues to what changes would be beneficial for you.
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Blame
When you blame another for their action or words you lose control of yourself. Another person is not the reason why you feel good or bad but they can highlight what we feel inside and yet so many of us blame others for our experiences. When you blame another for long enough resentment forms, you might even physically feel yourself gritting your teeth. The energy of blame is built within you, the other person may not be aware of your connection. If they are not aware of your reaction they may turn away, which can amplify your feelings. But you are reacting. Letting go of blame is not condoning any verbal or physical actions, letting go of what is within you allows you to move forward.
When any offensive action is directed wards you, whether that is physical or verbally offensive it usually evokes emotion within you. When you know yourself and that you are acting with pure intentions then any reaction you have is lessened. Because you cannot think for anyone else or experience their lives, then acting with non-judgment releases negative energies. How can you blame another if you are not judging another?
Do you feel judged even when you’ve tried your best? When you justify yourself to others, you are telling yourself you are not worthy. Your perception or lack of self-confidence looks to explain your actions, but you are looking at your perception of what you feel is wrong. Going back to the memory activates that energy, that frequency of where you were. It is not that others pull you back, it is what they remember which is activated in you. Self-criticism is not beneficial to you because you are looking back and not looking forward. Guilt – feeling guilty is the only energy that you do and keep to yourself. Love and anger are projected outwards, guilt is held within. Supporting Change can help in the letting go of guilt and it is empowering.
Self-confidence within you, is inner knowing that you are being true to yourself. When you are true to yourself how can you blame others. Self-responsibility is accepting who you are. When you feel lost, it is part of the journey of knowing who you are. If you don’t like anything within you change it, nothing is more important than how you feel. Thoughts and feelings bring experiences to you positive or negative – which do you choose?
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No one likes No
NO – perhaps one of the most contentious words in the English language. These two letters imply restriction and as a species that has freewill most of us react in a negative way towards this little word. We have grown-up being told, No – you’d can’t do this, you can’t say that or even you can’t eat that. No creates resistance. Our freewill is challenged, look at young children, they feel alive, they feel free, they feel they can do and be and have anything they want, until we tell them No. We were told these things, some of us rebelled, others conformed.
Often, we label stages in childhood, the terrible twos for example. What if, this time in an infant’s life was merely showing disagreement with the adults who are saying No, you can’t! Freewill that defines humans from animals means freedom to choose, and yet throughout life we find restrictions. Children express emotions outward by crying, they are releasing emotions and yet we tell them not to do that. So they learn to keep their emotions hidden. No limits our potential to be.
No one wants to be denied anything, being told ‘No’ usually brings a degree of resentment. As we grow or mature we have multiple experiences and we are taught or trained that we can’t have everything we want. We grow accustomed to the word No and the impact is lessened, (you don’t witness many adults having a tantrum in the shopping aisle). We build a truth within us that denying ourselves is acceptable. This is not the same as spending money we don’t have. For some people shopping evokes chemical stimuli in the brain, the buzz of buying something new can often be followed by a feeling of I shouldn’t have done that. If you are addicted to shopping for example there is always a reason. Learning about why the reaction is within creates the opportunity for change. Replacing the action or stimuli with something with a similar feeling helps let addictions go. Perhaps the endorphins of running are similar to the endorphins of shopping, learn about yourself to find your triggers.
No is a command and not a compromise. Words have power, they are a manifestation of our thoughts. Replace the word should with could. The energy of words have an immense impact within us. What do you say? What do you hear? What do you silently say to yourself?
I’m stuck, I can’t move on, I’m afraid of change.
The energy of the problem is not the same as the energy of the solution.
Wanting something is not the same as having something. Wanting something is also bringing the focus on what you do not have or what is wrong. It brings information of where you want to be. Releasing patterns brings change. Fear is a restrictive energy it implies lack of control. Fear, Doubt, Lack when these are present the mind’s perception is that is helping you, realistically it is holding you. Releasing fear allows you to trust yourself, it allows you to change.
Everything that has happened to us has contributed to who we are today. Most of life is insignificant, the auto-pilot setting where the alarm clock wakes us and we get out of bed without considering the action. However, when we become aware of negative aspects in our life it is providing feedback for us to change.
How do I know what to let go of? How you feel emotionally gives you clues. When you recall your memories how many are related to good times? How many are related to negative experiences. Simplistic maths says look at happy memories or feel happy or contented for 51% of your day and the impulsion has shifted and you feel better more of the time. You may have tried other techniques, or perhaps you have only recently been looking for support. Our techniques support you to change what you want to change.
We are All unique, no human is the same as another and yet we listen to the opinion of others and perceive it to be true.
You may make an assumption that it is there forever, you may feel that it who you are, but anything that brings a negative reaction within you is not thriving it is surviving. You are responsible for how you feel and you can change anything you chose to change. When you let go, you become more, you have the potential to become who you truly are.
Think of your life as a story, you are on a certain page in a chapter, everything that has happened so far is rewriteable, rewriting the habits, changing the energy, changing the reaction is how you thrive. Make a decision today to stop firefighting, to stop reacting, to stop following others and be yourself, be proactive and value who you are.
At the age of 21, Professor Stephen Hawking was given his medical diagnosis that he had a rare form of motor neurone disease. This restricted his life to a wheelchair with very little muscular mobility. At the time he was given a prognosis of only a few years of life. He proved the medical profession wrong. He refused to hear what the doctors told him, his work was too important to him, he died in 2018 aged 76 years. “I was lucky that my field of work didn’t need a body theoretical physics only uses the mind”. His story is part of modern history, he brought theoretical physics to the bookshops of the world. Each time life brought him a challenge he found a solution, even when he could no longer speak he looked to technology to give him a voice. He inspired a generation, a master in mind over matter and an ability to ignore the perception of others so that he could focus on what he wanted to achieve. It is all in the mind.